what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There r osticjed everywhere
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Randomize
