we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize