Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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