Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
