pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He felt like a one man threesome
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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