I am spending my child support on dildos
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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