I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
