I love black thongs
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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