Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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