I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
