The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
