Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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