So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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