I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
