i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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