So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
