Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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