I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
