I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
