Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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