Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
