Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
