I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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