He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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