Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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