So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
