That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
