She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
there is glitter all over my balls
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
