my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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