saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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