Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
