If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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