I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
