remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
