My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
