Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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