I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
