I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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