dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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