What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want her autograph on my taint
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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