Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
