i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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