Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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