Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
