For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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