dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
