you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
mondays should just be called national damage control day
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
