i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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