I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
