I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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