Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
