Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
