Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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