My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think your dad took our porno
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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