haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
