your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
