I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
