R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
