We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize